I will never again ...

I feel very blessed that I decided to go on the journey of becoming and working as a coach. This work has opened up a whole new universe of thoughts and perspectives I would otherwise be missing out on .

The most important lesson I have learned thus far is to never apologize for being someone who feels deeply, shows emotion and is 'soft'. Throughout my life, I have heard comments that crying is for the weak or those who show emotion are less than. Well, I am here to tell you that I don't believe that and I will never hold back my authentic self again. 

To celebrate the most vulnerable act of my life thus far, the release of my book, I share with you what I wrote at the end in "about the author." This is a tribute to all who have had the courage to shed a tear.

About the Author

I used to pray that I wouldn’t cry. I remember the first time vividly a few weeks after hearing the news my parents were getting a divorce. Along with my brother, I was riding my bike to Dad’s house to see him. It was the first time since hearing the news, and I prayed riding down the long hill, the wind in my face to dry my tears. I prayed that I wouldn’t cry. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to cry for myself; it was the fact that I didn’t want my dad to see my pain. I wanted to protect him from additional heartache. I succeeded. My brother and I walked in the door, and the first thing Dad did was cry. This was the first time I had ever seen him upset. He cried and frantically tried to make a cup of coffee to distract himself. I held it back the entire time. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I didn’t.

As I look back on that moment, I wish I had let myself cry. Blocking it created more damage than I ever could have imagined and a hell of a lot more work in learning to feel. At the age of thirty-three, I decided that I would never hold back my tears ever again. I promised my ten-year-old self that I would honour my feelings and cry as little or as much as I needed in the moment. It is funny—at the workshop where I learned to let go, one of the participants shared with the group that the one thing they appreciated about me was that I cried so openly without shame. She said that by doing so I gave her permission to show emotion as well. That meant a lot to me, and I will continue to shed as many tears as it takes to create the space for others to do so as well. I will never pray away my tears again. Never.

I am an open book. If you ask me a question, I will answer you authentically. I have nothing to hide, and my life is about accessing what matters to me, trusting myself, and sharing. This is who I choose to be. I am a teacher, healer, author, coach, mentor, mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and spiritual being put here to share and create.